Hey, whataya want from me?

I haven't blogged in weeks, I suddenly realized tonight. So I'm blogging. Not because I have anything to say, really. Just because I don't like going this long without it.
I haven't blogged in weeks, because reading my last blog makes me sad. If that is what I wanted, to create destruction for a fresh start, I simply failed. Thinking about it makes me see my failure. I lost.

I have no pent up emotions to examine now. Now I'm waiting for...what I don't know yet. When I think about it too much, I feel simply empty. No more revelations or epiphanies. I'm living with this. I didn't get what i wanted. I wanted to end everything and set myself free. All I did was alienate myself and make myself a prisoner to my memories. Memories that are mine alone now. Those times...you and I, we won't reminisce together and laugh over any of it. Because you don't remember, don't care, don't want to remember. And my friends, we won't reminisce together, because they don't care. It wasn't beautiful or elegant or fascinating or romantic, I guess. Memories worth nothing to everyone but me.

That's my story now. A story I'd like to relive but everyone else would like to forget. A paradox. I want the reminders to go away, to forget. I never want to forget.

Now I'm waiting again. Waiting for the unknown. I feel quite small, when I think about it all. I'm scared, I've spent too many nights alone now. Too much reminds me.