Transition.

The college transition - its the one I'd been so excited for for...well, years, really. This is when I expected to be the most fulfilling and happiest part of my life. And I'm waiting for that part to begin.

Because, of course, this isn't how I expected. I miss so many aspects of my old life, so vibrantly that it hurts. So much. Really, I miss my steady income and my friends. I knew the greatest people in the world, and I'm so scared that we will grow apart here. I'll fight to keep it from happening. I'm scared I'll never meet people like the ones I already know. They complete my world, really.
This was the best summer I'd ever had. I was busy and happy. Always something to do, someone to see, somewhere to go. And now its gone. I'm starting over, maybe with something better, but I hate to see it go.

I don't want these people to drift out of my life, more than anything. I'm so sad because I fear that it might happen.


But other than that, I guess I'm pretty happy here. Still adjusting, still irritated with some aspects of freshmen orientation. But I'm happy with where I live and with my classes. And if I can find a job then I'll be fine. If I can keep my old friends as well as finding new ones I'll be more than fine.

I want to be insanely happy here, the way I expected it to be. Maybe it just takes some time.

Love on Hold.

Maybe I'm just ridiculous and melodramatic;
but for once I think I feel something real.

For months I battled to deny that it could exist.
For months you were gone.
After almost a year, I know your touch.
I feel your heart.
And hundreds of miles apart again, you are the consuming entity of my mind.

You aren't mine, and I am not yours.
But in my mind is potential for so much more.
I said "wait."
And it can't be taken back.

But you are the one who's very existence makes me feel complete.
I could talk to you for a lifetime.
Sit next to you just enjoying your presence.
Lying with you feels like home.
But just seeing you smile can make me fly.
So I can wait for this. Because I can't even imagine anything better.

But its real.
I've seen you sad and angry and happy and tired.
As a person you are complete. And beautiful.

This was the toughest Goodbye.
And each day what I feel grows stronger.
I wonder where you are and if you feel the same.
The story begins again at the next Hello.

Driving Slow on Sunday morning, I never want to leave.

I wish I would stay here longer. I like it here, I feel independent and free and peaceful and happy. Surrounded by people that make me happy. And there is so much left to do that we haven't done yet. And today is the last day to fit in as much as we can.
Everyone is still asleep. I'm quite awake, I can't sleep when I have so much on my mind.

I guess I don't get all the things I want here, though. Its okay, I guess I can keep waiting. I don't understand the situation. Its the same thing as before, I've already done this. But maybe not. Only time will tell, and I hope it does eventually become clear.

And I can't believe I have to go back to my mundane blairsville life for 2 more weeks. I'll pack and buy everything I need and say my goodbyes and its time for something totally new, my new life. I'm ready but I wish I understood what was going on here. In my head there is so much that doesn't make sense. but I'll be okay, however it works out.