Withdrawing into myself for a Day.

This weekend, these past two nights, while they have been phenomenal, have also perhaps added up to equal the most emotionally draining feeling that I've had in a while. It gives me so much to think about, that I just want to sleep and get everything sorted through (but I'm not even getting my normal sleep to begin with). I feel like I've learned a lot, and have a lot I need to figure out. Soon.

And so, I'm staying home. I'm not calling or texting anyone, unless they contact me and I find it important enough for a response. I'm going to spend some time with myself today.
Plus, I need to spend some time with my expert project/online classes. Expert project is over in five days!! I'm so excited to get it over with, even though I don't really have my "project" created yet. Online classes have assignments for one more week, then I'll spend next week doing make up elluminates and finals. Then I'm done with that.

I feel like when I finish these things, I will have more free time, but I really won't. Starting this week, I will be cheering pretty much every Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday through February (My birthday month :) ) So I guess things aren't going to get any more simple for me.

I feel like I'm on the verge of alot of changes/epiphanies/etc. Maybe today is what I need to get that. And if it isn't, at least I have today to work on my school stuff. And sleep!

Incidentally, this may have had a sad tone to it. I'm not sad, really, just tired and totally drained emotionally. I'm exquisitely happy, for the most part. I just feel stretched in so many directions. So many people want (and demand) my attention. Others I feel I should be giving more attention to. There are so many places to go, things to do. But some could be the wrong ones. So its like a big game, and I'm choosing the path to reach whatever outcome it leads to (that sounded stupid). I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, except that I need some time to work out where I'm going from here. Metaphorically and literally I guess. A lot of choices, some really big ones. And I get distracted so easily.

You talk about me and you talk about you, and all the things I do. Like its something that needs repeating.

The way I feel changes so fast. I feel like daily, I'm having to reevaluate what I want and readjust what I'm doing to be satisfied.
I know what I want. But I also know that it will be something different tomorrow.

I'm so caught up in myself that I'm disregarding my commitments. I can't get ahead. Once I make it past this Expert Project I think I will be okay. Ask me how I feel December 4th. Probably amazing. I could start another countdown just for that.
And other than that, I feel great about most things.

I need motivation. Other than that, I'm great. I'm happy.

This was one of my more pointless blogs. Sorry.

When I'm happy I rarely have much to say. Most of my blogs are so..angry and down usually. Or just funny.

This is the song for how I feel right now :)




Your loss. If you stop texting, and people stop asking, it would be gone from my head. You are just another story. Its disappointing, but hey, I like a good story.

Offer expires 12/06/09

So reads my Ihop Coupons.
These coupons could be destiny, but only before they expire.

What if our whole lives were defined by offers, with vastly important outcomes?
But they could only be fulfilled before a certain deadline?
And if, once the deadline is past, our said "fate" becomes void?

All the deadlines, ending our potential.
Our our underlying unfulfilled potential.
We will never know though, because the deadline already passed.

And I'm dreaming, tripping over you.

Well, I never wanted to become one of those girls who become attached. I'm too worrisome and analytical about you already. Its like, I worry and wonder how you feel, if everything's okay, with us particularly. I so rarely doubt myself, or question what I have. I don't know why I'm doing it this time.

Most of the time, I already feel like I can trust you. And the signs seem good. But any little thing that can be taken as bad, I'm over analyzing it. I really wish I wasn't worrying myself like this.

Things feel different. I don't want to get bored or hurt you or do something wrong. I still worry about all these things, but not so much. I feel so typical now, having these cliche doubts instead.

It could all be nothing. We could be nothing. But I hope not. I don't know what I hope for, though. I get scared easily. Of change, of commitment, and of strong feelings and emotional attachments. These are things I need to get over. I need to come to terms with my fears and move past it. And see where things go, perhaps.



So here's my song of the day:



It was on Gossip Girl and it is just fabulous :)
I'm going through quite a Mika addiction lately. Particularly for this song.