If this is goodbye for real, then these are the words I would want to leave you with:

You fucking matter. Maybe it was all in my head but to me, you were significant.
Are significant.
Will remain significant.

For a long while we were friends.
Friends, lovers, nothing.
And of all the things that have hurt me, the nothing part undoubtably hurts the most. Not having you in my life at all is difficult and confusing.

Because after 19 years, you are the guy i chose to lose my virginity to, for logic that i can't even explain to myself.
But I don't regret it.
Significant.

And there are so damn many things i would like to say to you, but the bottom line is this.
For some reason, I care about you. And when I care, that doesn't change.
I don't just miss your company.
I worry about your probation and whether or not you had enough gas to make it home or if you are stranded on some road some where and will you ever get out of blairsville.
I care.
And I hope you are doing okay, and will find some thing that makes you happy, and fight for that.

And I hope that this isn't goodbye forever.