If it was up to me, I would have figured you out way before the year clocked out. I hope you're waiting.

I'm not really sure what I want to blog about. I have a lot going through my mind right now. But I'm thinking a lot about relationships and love and all of that fun stuff. I've been watching everyone, and firstly, I've come to this conclusion: most people are going absolutely crazed now that it is summer. Looking for a relationship or fling or whatever. It is really funny.

But that isn't really that important, just a fun fact.
Well...I guess it is important in that I feel like I'm hurting people. I don't mean to. I just want to hang out and have fun. I like meeting new people and maybe becoming friends.
And that isn't working out for me, because guys are expecting some sort of commitment.

And I can't do that.
I don't feel torn, or hurt, or whatever cliche thing. It isn't like that.
I'm just not looking.
The majority of the world is looking it seems, for someone to throw themselves at, to enter another person's life. I don't know why, I guess it is a summer thing. For some, it even seems like an act of desperation, a need for something, anything, even though it isn't making you happy.
(and that, could rant about in a whole new chunk. I might do that later tonight, if I feel like it and remember...)
My point being, I'm actually totally not looking. I've been thinking a lot about me, and what I want, and who. And I'm very confused.
I wish I could want to be with one of these guys, so obviously readily available right here to be whoever I need them to be. But I don't want that. I wish I did. To have that, would be so easy. And so effortless.
And so unsatisfactory.
Because I know how much better things can be. And I don't know why so many people choose to settle. I don't want to even talk about love, because so many people have so many preconceived ridiculous gross notions about "love." So I"m not going there. I'm talking about a genuine connection, and a desire to be with a person. To want to sit and talk and just be, to know their life stories, to know what makes them tick.
That happens. Why commit to less? I totally understand living in the moment. But I"m not going to commit after those situations, unless that person fits that brief description up there, and more. Because I know that that sort of thing I described is real, it happens. Not often, but I want to get back to that.

I don't know how to get back to that. Because lately I've been thinking too much.




And here, I give an abrupt end.
You see, I wrote more, but I relocated it to my other blog instead.

I don't feel like giving this a better ending here.
But I"m leaving this, because I don't do many entries. And I'm sure that what I left here is important.