Its been almost a month since I blogged last. I guess its one of those times where I'm so busy in life, that i don't have as much time to write about it. Or maybe I'm doing so many things, but not so many things epic enough to write about. Or maybe I'm just relying on Tumblr more.
But anyway, I guess its been a strange month, but really, what month hasn't been strange lately?
Its kind of like a process, and I feel like an adult now. I'm happy and sad and mostly tired and broke and trying so hard to keep things together and I feel rewarded but scared for my future but also so excited.
My mind is, at best, a conglomeration of emotions that I simply cannot spit out poetically yet. Its a mess in there. A good mess. I'm proud of everything that happens, and how I'm dealing and learning.
I'm trying to control everything with lists and lists and more lists. I make post-its with my Daily Objectives now. Holding things together, getting things done, its what I"m trying to do.
I feel like I"m trying to stay in control. Because I've been given a lot of it all at once, and its a lot to do.
Mostly I"m so excited for everything, absolutely everything, coming up. I feel like I'm pulling together a college experience designed for me. But sometimes, the worst thoughts come to me. I remember my youth, being shoved into situations with people who I don't like and who don't like me. I lived, but I don't want to ever do that again. College will not be like that, right? I'm being ridiculous.
I feel like that Palahniuk anecdote, the one about how people are just rocks in a machine, put in all rough but tossed round and round, bashing against the walls and the other rocks, until they come out smooth and beautiful. I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about that.
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