I've gotten out of town for a few days, I've gotten a break from countless things, and most importantly I think I've finally cleared my head.
I think I'm done hurting. You weren't my saving grace, I'm ready to face reality, accept what you were and were not, take it for what it was, learn from it, and finally move on. And stop letting it cause me pain.
I think I'm ready to not be alone. I understand my fears, and I know what I need, and this is what it was all about. I understand these walls that have to come down, and the choices I have to make for things to be different this time.
I think I'm ready to take on the world. Metaphorically speaking, this whole growing up thing has reached the point where I feel secure in what I'm capable of.
I miss being a child, the way I used to run and skip and dance so often. I think I was quite a child at heart, and maybe, I still am.
I think I want to get back to that, if it is possible.
I was recently told that I'm dwelling on the existential, the distant future, and the irrational. That I've stopped living in the present and enjoying the little things.
I do this sometimes. But not like I used to.
I don't know if I can take the ways I've grown, and yet finally go back to the way I was before. I want the ridiculous joy and energy that I had just a few months ago. But its different now, knowing what I know and being who I've become.
This is life and its happening all at once and there is so much more, I could go on forever with these intangible thoughts, but I won't. I will just say I'm so happy with this place I've finally reached and I'm curious about what happens now.
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