Fer sure maybe, fer sure not.

I just realized how much I've grown up in the last six months or so. Its not to say I haven't thought about it, in a roundabout way, before. But it just hit me how far I've come. Things have clicked, and I guess I'm seeing things in a new way. Its just my past, sure, but I like to understand it.
I was reading an old message, from someone who doesn't matter now. He mattered then, and reading it now I see all the things I didn't, couldn't have been able to see before. How I was nothing but an object. Had I known, I could have dealt. But I didn't know.
I'm not even slightly bitter. I've grown so much from that. I really think of it as a turning point for me. In so many ways. That night was one that brought several firsts for me. Things that I've incorporated into my life since then. Sort of defining me. It also set a precinct for what was next to come. I found myself leaning on someone new, someone who became crucial for the next couple of months. That night sort of was a turning point. While it didn't feel epitomal at all, what resulted from it carried over into my future in multitudinous ways.

But the important thing, that I realized tonight, was the way I allowed myself to be played. There was so much I didn't know. I learned fast. I guess these past 6 months are the ones where I've really grown up. Adult decisions. I've been managing my own life in so many ways. I wasn't in control then, really. I was a victim, who stumbled into something potentially dangerous but instead grew from it.

I don't regret a thing. I want to acknowledge how much I've developed, mentally and emotionally. How much more in control I am now, and how much more aware.

I guess this means I need to stop being afraid, and keep facing my challenges. New shit. Because its now I continue growing. And I'm certainly durable enough to come out alright. Now.