I don't know how much longer I can live like this.

Its driving me crazy here. Not this town, I don't mind it so much. Another year here doesn't cause me angst. I can patiently await that escape.
But I have fully outgrown this house that I live in now, I have realized that. Living here is burdening me, and my parents. They won't admit it.

First off, I'm really upset right now, because my mom just took my phone away because I was in my sisters room, talking to her, and it kept my mom awake. I don't know why this even constitutes taking my phone away. Much less, the way she kept repeatedly yelling at me to "Shut up!"
It just seems so out of line. She won't listen to reason, she just screams and cusses. Both of my parents do, its like I'm the rational adult. I need rational people in my lives. I'm on the verge of tears here, because I'm not being treated the way I deserve.

And at the same time, I am a burden to them as well. Our patterns don't mesh, and it is nobody's fault. I am a night person. I often work nights, its what I prefer. I'm out late. I come home and have things to do, and it keeps them awake. We are on different sleeping and daily routines that just won't work.

Plus, my eating patterns are different. I'm working on being more healthy, and only eat when I'm hungry. I'm slowly growing where I prefer 5 small meals a day. My family are fanatics for 3 large meals, eaten when they are prepared, regardless of if I'm hungry or anything. Plus, they are really into fried/southern/pork lots of stuff I don't like. Our tastes are just different. And I feel guilty because I often don't eat when they do, and what my mom has worked to cook. I worry that i hurt her feelings by not eating her meals, but I just don't like some things.

My sense of aesthetics is different from theirs. My sense of morals and ethics are much different from theirs. My goals of living are different from theirs.
In some homes, compromises could be met. But as I said before, my parents aren't the most rational people. Especially when they become angry, which happens easily. Plus, they think that their age makes them superior and always right over me. Which is right in some cases, but they aren't able to look at different perspectives and see that I'm just plain different from them. Compromise can't be reached, I fear.

And I have approximately nine months here. Please, don't see me as some typical teen hating on their parents/home life. It isn't like that. I understand that my parents are good people in many ways. Their way of living is just different from mine now, as I have matured into my own person now. I consider myself a a young adult, not just a child anymore. And their lives are constituted by Samantha, now, anyway. All their routines and choices revolve around her. Just another reason why there is less room for me. Its like a puzzle, and my piece just doesn't fit in anymore.

And beside of the aforementioned reasons why I am better not here, is that I actually am responsible and capable of living on my own in every way, except with the exception of necessary finances. I know how to cook, clean, and generally take care of myself. More specifically, I have developed many skills that most teens don't really think about, mostly from working at Wendy's I got these. I've learned to clean other peoples toilets and bathrooms, take out trash, vaccuum and mop excessively, clean every random utility you can imagine, wash dishes, and just generally maintain order.
I know how to be responsible for myself, manage my time, even manage my money. Except I don't have money to manage.

The bottom line here is, I'm ready to move out. My learning here is pretty much done. I feel like a burden. I feel angry and suffocated. I feel guilty. I feel grateful that I am loved, but afraid that my parents don't truly understand and appreciate who I am. I feel scared because I have nine more months here. I feel alone, but mostly because I don't have my phone and so I can't here anyone's voice right now. And sometimes, you just need someone to tell you that you're gonna be okay.