Untitled.

So basically...
everything is happening beyond fast right now and I feel like every night I have these immense profound thoughts and they are all vanishing before I'm actually able to get on here and write about them (or able to write about anything) because I'm just that busy. And I miss pouring out my soul via blog, tumblr, my notebook, etc but the real world has apparently gotten me so well that I don't have time for these things momentarily.

So I guess I'll just go with some revelations/thoughts I've been having and see where it goes:

- I truly, absolutely, and incredibly suck at letting anything go. I cannot say goodbyes, or let go of anything that once made me feel safe. (I feel like I could go off on a huge psychological thing here, about how I need these random islands of stability amidst my partially self inflicted chaos. But I won't). I'm scared of leaving certain random things behind, like my old job and my old friends.

- I wonder if my new job is going to drain the hell out of me...its mega time consuming, I've already completely lost Arts In The Park weekend and Alisha's baby shower. Which is really really sad. But at the same time I'll hopefully be so paid. Don't know what i'll do with the money, or when I'll have time to blow it. I'm scared of fitting in and liking my new job. Its crazy different.

- I feel like most people are like reoccurring instances...they feel gone but really its all so temporary. I see them again. Its kind of scary and unnerving and awkward yet pleasantly familiar and I'm also scared of losing this when I go to Macon. When I'm miles and miles away, these people may stop popping back into my life.

- All my countdowns are sort of gone now. I can't say I'm living in the moment because my planner is booked and I'm not doing anything epic and impulsive right now, but I am sort of immersed in the present anyway.

- Speaking of which, I really want epic and impulsive again. This balance of security and excitement is just impossible. Truly.

- I'm about to fall asleep right now. I want time to read and tan and chill and sleep and write but it isn't happening yet. And I need to go to sleep.

- Did I mention that in 48 hours I officially graduate? Its wierd, people are saying that it is just hitting them, or that it hasn't yet. I feel like it hit me a long time ago though. I feel already graduated, in a way. That Friday night is a formality that will express to everyone else, maybe, what I already feel like inside. I've only been out of school for less than a week, but it feels like months. Looking back on where I was a month ago, well, there might just not be words to say how far from it I feel. Maybe because I need sleep and all these other things that I don't have time for, but its okay, because, whatever I'm doing I think its for the better and when I finally have time to slow down and breathe it will all make sense.