So, instead of doing homework or something else constructive, I'm going to keep blogging.
Here is an epic list of things that are currently annoying me.
People who write on bathroom walls. Or worse, people who write on those walls, saying something like "only stupid people write on bathroom walls. You are retarded." No, you are. People write the stupidest things, too. Its never profound, and rarely grammatically correct. In fact, people are often "righting" on the walls. Hahaha.
Hearing about the swine flu. Just stop talking about it. Its been the latest fad to panic over for the past several months. I'm not saying we aren't going to die or anything, but I'm bored of hearing about it.
Insults. I'm incredibly sick of people telling me that I'm stupid, or that my hair looks bad. If you honestly think I'm stupid, you clearly are an ignoramus. And if you think my hair looks bad, well, you can just kiss my ass.
Not having enough time. I contribute this to softball, school, and other obligations that are absolutely plaguing my life right now.
"Hey" Texters. Especially those that send me a "hey" or a "wuts up" every day, or even twice a day. If I'm not writing back, either say something more interesting, or just leave me alone.
Missing people. And no, I'm not taking about the Kristi Cornwell Gone Missing sort of thing. I mean, I miss people. People just leave, or we grow apart for no apparent reason. Whats worse, I don't know how to fix this, because I don't have the time. Its a complicated balance.
Not being able to chill out enough. I want to just sit and watch The Mighty Boosh and South Park while painting my nails or napping or coloring. That's all.
Having an empty fish tank. Its just depressing. Those fish were amazing, and beautiful, and had distinct charming personalities. Now the tank is just a void. I'm considering a hermit crab, but I don't know enough about them.
Having to fund raise all the time. I'm always selling tickets for something, that no body really wants to buy.
Negative self image. I'm sick of myself, and I'm sick of being sick of myself. This is getting old.
Chronic Fatigue. I hope this is just some teenage phase. I can't spend my whole life just wanting to sleep randomly for no apparent reason.
Senior Pictures. I don't know why, but I really just don't want to take them.
This damn weather. Its too hot, or too rainy. And in my school, its always too cold. Never comfortable anywhere, it is, anymore.
Fall formal. To go or not to go? Every year, I swear I won't. Then something happens, and I end up there anyway. If I go, I at least want a cute dress and a good time this year.
Technology. My computer is slow, my phone keeps shutting off for no reason, and it takes too long to update my ipod. So much for being modern.
I'm done bitching for now :)
I'm really a happy person, ironically enough. This makes me sound so angry. But really, it makes me feel cleansed to get it all out...
Maybe next time I'll write about things I love or something.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Ready to let go of ancient sentiments.
This mostly regard the physical possesions of mine that clutter my abode. Well, my mental burdens too. But mostly, I'm so ready to get a fresh start from all of this. Childhood books, toys, and decorations still fill this place where I sleep. Things I once loved, reminding me of who I no longer am.
I am ready to start with an empty room. And do with it exactly what I want. This could be one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done.
I feel like I dwell constantly on this fresh start in my future; but I need it. I am tired of looking at these things, that have no relevance to my life now. They are taking up space that could be filled with more applicable things. I'm ready to make room in my life for new things.
I can't do this, yet. But I will, soon.
I want to go to Georgia State. I want to be in Atlanta. I want to be living with Megan. I want to be near Shane and all my other friends considering the Atlanta area. This is what I need. Fuck all the pressures people are putting on me. I want to go there for a year. And figure some things out. And go from there.
And when I go, I can take with me exactly what I want to take. And leave the thing I am ready to move beyond.
The countdown has began. These next few months of my life, nine, to be exact, will be difficult and defining of what happens after this. Please, I want to make the best of it.
Hm...the whole nine months thing. Maybe its like being pregnant. Hahah. Epic conciet. Think about it..I'm a dork.
:)
I am ready to start with an empty room. And do with it exactly what I want. This could be one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done.
I feel like I dwell constantly on this fresh start in my future; but I need it. I am tired of looking at these things, that have no relevance to my life now. They are taking up space that could be filled with more applicable things. I'm ready to make room in my life for new things.
I can't do this, yet. But I will, soon.
I want to go to Georgia State. I want to be in Atlanta. I want to be living with Megan. I want to be near Shane and all my other friends considering the Atlanta area. This is what I need. Fuck all the pressures people are putting on me. I want to go there for a year. And figure some things out. And go from there.
And when I go, I can take with me exactly what I want to take. And leave the thing I am ready to move beyond.
The countdown has began. These next few months of my life, nine, to be exact, will be difficult and defining of what happens after this. Please, I want to make the best of it.
Hm...the whole nine months thing. Maybe its like being pregnant. Hahah. Epic conciet. Think about it..I'm a dork.
:)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Greek Love - And Modern Love
I was doing one of my Greek Mythology assignments, and I found on assignment to be very interesting. We had to read several stories of Greek love, and then make comparisons to contemporary situations, choosing a story that accurately reflects some aspect of love today.
Interestingly enough, these stories could be about contemporary issues. This is comforting in a way, to think that the good and bad of love are timeless, and that other people have obviously gone though this before. That is just common sense, but its nice to see this kind of thing glorified through the Greeks. This stuff happened centuries ago! That is pretty fantastic if you ask me.
Take the story of Apollo and Daphne. Apollo spent so much time and energy chasing Daphne, described as his first love. The more he chased, the more elusive she became. She ran until she turned into a tree, and the only way Apollo got to have her was as an ornament, using her branches for a crown, a bow, etc. Obviously, this is much more metaphorical. Its like, how we chase who we first love, no matter how unrequited it may be. We may never give up, but do we ever catch up, and get what we want? Apollo didn't. All he got were the remains of a potential love, physical objects that don't compare. Of course, most people aren't necessarily as elusive and opposed to love as Daphne. But it happened. This is unrequited, and I see it so much right now.
Take the story of Pygmalion. In a way, it relates to the first. But Pygmalion grows so tired of women that he gives them up, to instead fall in love with a statue of his own creation. He dresses it up and plays up the aspects he wants, making it perfect but not real. This could also be unrequited, but being in love with the idealistic version instead of something real. We fall for someone, worshiping the aspects we think are great, ignoring what we don't want to see or believe. Its not real, but its perfect. It could be our dreams of how we wish it could be, but this is what we will never really have.
Then there's the story of Cupid and Psyche. I don't like this one as much, mostly because I've already analyzed it to death for my class. But anyway, this story basically depicts a fickle kind of last resort love. That is my opinion, at least, but most people seem to really like this story. It seems, most people think that this is love. I hope this isn't love. Cupid and Psyche annoy me.
Our issues are timeless, we are just more people doing the same old thing that's already been done. Beautiful, phantasmal, epic situations that play over and for no one's amusement. Maybe we can learn from the past, but I think that one has already been tried as well. We are living these stories, like millions of people already have. We will eventually find some conclusion, but not anything original. Maybe it will be new for us, what we wanted or didn't want. To the rest of the world, its just another story with a predictable end. But to yourself, it can be as monumental as you want it to be. Tell your own story, exactly how you want it to be.
Interestingly enough, these stories could be about contemporary issues. This is comforting in a way, to think that the good and bad of love are timeless, and that other people have obviously gone though this before. That is just common sense, but its nice to see this kind of thing glorified through the Greeks. This stuff happened centuries ago! That is pretty fantastic if you ask me.
Take the story of Apollo and Daphne. Apollo spent so much time and energy chasing Daphne, described as his first love. The more he chased, the more elusive she became. She ran until she turned into a tree, and the only way Apollo got to have her was as an ornament, using her branches for a crown, a bow, etc. Obviously, this is much more metaphorical. Its like, how we chase who we first love, no matter how unrequited it may be. We may never give up, but do we ever catch up, and get what we want? Apollo didn't. All he got were the remains of a potential love, physical objects that don't compare. Of course, most people aren't necessarily as elusive and opposed to love as Daphne. But it happened. This is unrequited, and I see it so much right now.
Take the story of Pygmalion. In a way, it relates to the first. But Pygmalion grows so tired of women that he gives them up, to instead fall in love with a statue of his own creation. He dresses it up and plays up the aspects he wants, making it perfect but not real. This could also be unrequited, but being in love with the idealistic version instead of something real. We fall for someone, worshiping the aspects we think are great, ignoring what we don't want to see or believe. Its not real, but its perfect. It could be our dreams of how we wish it could be, but this is what we will never really have.
Then there's the story of Cupid and Psyche. I don't like this one as much, mostly because I've already analyzed it to death for my class. But anyway, this story basically depicts a fickle kind of last resort love. That is my opinion, at least, but most people seem to really like this story. It seems, most people think that this is love. I hope this isn't love. Cupid and Psyche annoy me.
Our issues are timeless, we are just more people doing the same old thing that's already been done. Beautiful, phantasmal, epic situations that play over and for no one's amusement. Maybe we can learn from the past, but I think that one has already been tried as well. We are living these stories, like millions of people already have. We will eventually find some conclusion, but not anything original. Maybe it will be new for us, what we wanted or didn't want. To the rest of the world, its just another story with a predictable end. But to yourself, it can be as monumental as you want it to be. Tell your own story, exactly how you want it to be.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Invisible.
Is how I've felt today.
Its like, walking down the halls and seeing people I know and waving, only for them to not wave back.
Not because they don't like me, but because today, they didn't see me.
Emotionally, I feel like others see me as nothing more than a paper doll. A person made out of popsickle sticks. Something without the ability to feel.
Why else do they throw around their words?
Last night, I've been called things many times worse than anything I've ever been called before. It was so bad because, it was all false.
A person whose sole intention was to say enough bad things to hurt me, to make me feel as bad as he feels.
People do this, and this is what makes humanity pathetic.
We deal with our pain by trying to make others feel worse; but when all you do is hate, you can you ever expect to find love?
Through this, you abolish love, making it impossible in your low depths of spite.
To me, this sounds like hell. If I believed in hell, it would be a place like this.
Where your goal is to bring people down.
Lower than yourself, even. Pure, selfish ignorance.
How do we find hope in a world like this?
With only a handfull of people that I can actually trust?
All you have is yourself. Because to the rest of the world, you might one day become invisible.
And if you lose yourself a long the way, then you really do have nothing.
Instead of sulking, hating, crying, or trying to bring people down, why don't you try to make yourself happy?
Or try to make some small bit of the world a better place?
You haven't brought me down, none of you. I've only seen that I'm a much better person, a much more intelligent person, and a stronger person than most of you.
And this is your problem. You are the one that will spend the rest of your life filled with hatred. Looking for flaws. Try to find real joy in something.
Because at some point, you can't go back, and the rest of your life is spent in mediocrity.
Its like, walking down the halls and seeing people I know and waving, only for them to not wave back.
Not because they don't like me, but because today, they didn't see me.
Emotionally, I feel like others see me as nothing more than a paper doll. A person made out of popsickle sticks. Something without the ability to feel.
Why else do they throw around their words?
Last night, I've been called things many times worse than anything I've ever been called before. It was so bad because, it was all false.
A person whose sole intention was to say enough bad things to hurt me, to make me feel as bad as he feels.
People do this, and this is what makes humanity pathetic.
We deal with our pain by trying to make others feel worse; but when all you do is hate, you can you ever expect to find love?
Through this, you abolish love, making it impossible in your low depths of spite.
To me, this sounds like hell. If I believed in hell, it would be a place like this.
Where your goal is to bring people down.
Lower than yourself, even. Pure, selfish ignorance.
How do we find hope in a world like this?
With only a handfull of people that I can actually trust?
All you have is yourself. Because to the rest of the world, you might one day become invisible.
And if you lose yourself a long the way, then you really do have nothing.
Instead of sulking, hating, crying, or trying to bring people down, why don't you try to make yourself happy?
Or try to make some small bit of the world a better place?
You haven't brought me down, none of you. I've only seen that I'm a much better person, a much more intelligent person, and a stronger person than most of you.
And this is your problem. You are the one that will spend the rest of your life filled with hatred. Looking for flaws. Try to find real joy in something.
Because at some point, you can't go back, and the rest of your life is spent in mediocrity.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Since I'm here, starting a new year (and my last one here)...
I find this blog to be rather necessary. And honestly, I meant to write it last night. It would have been more effective. But things came up, and i couldn't.
So here it goes now..
Basically, I wanted to make a list, of all my goals/intentions/aspirations/whatever for this next year. It seems like an important one, one that will probably play a huge role in defining my future. And this is my list:
I need to separate myself from people who aren't beneficial for me. This will be one of the hardest things on my list, probably. I'm still maintaining friendships with people who do nothing for me but bring me down. I've been distancing myself from all of this, but I still have a long way to go. So, if you can't be genuine with me, I guess I'm done trying to be genuine with you. You aren't worth it. I am. Difference being, I'm truly capable of a genuine friendship...most of you aren't, at this point.
I need to work on keeping the peace in my own home. I don't know how to do this, yet. But I'm rational, and I need to find a way to keep things happier around here. Making the best of it for one more year.
I need to figure out where I'm going, after I leave here. At this point, I'm incredibly torn between Mercer and Georgia Southern. Its getting hard, with so many people trying to influence me to one, or the other, or even to other places. I need to block some of this out, and find the best decision for me.
I need to better my eating habits. This is pretty broad. I've been working on improving my eating, only eating when I'm hungry, and making healthier food choices. Now, I need to work on cutting out caffeine and sugar, and drinking more water. This is going to be hard. I also need to cut out a 'bad habit' that I have. Not sure if I'm motivated enough for this one, though.
I also need to better my exercise habits. Some crunches or stuff at home, for now. Once softball is over, I hope to start going to the gym with Megan. Stuff like this will only help me to feel better.
I need a guy to be constant in my life. All my guy friends come and go, and I don't know why. Girls will stay and be consistent, but I can't become close with a guy and maintain it for a long period of time. I'd like to change that.
I need to manage my time. This includes getting my schoolwork done quicker, and less procrastinating. This also means less time spent wasted on myspace!
I need to keep doing things just for me, that make me happy. This is probably the most important thing of all. I need to find a way to move forward with my life, and enjoy my time in this town.
These are just a few of my goals. Some of them are going to be pretty difficult.
But it will surely be worth it :)
I need a good, happy, productive senior year.
So here it goes now..
Basically, I wanted to make a list, of all my goals/intentions/aspirations/whatever for this next year. It seems like an important one, one that will probably play a huge role in defining my future. And this is my list:
I need to separate myself from people who aren't beneficial for me. This will be one of the hardest things on my list, probably. I'm still maintaining friendships with people who do nothing for me but bring me down. I've been distancing myself from all of this, but I still have a long way to go. So, if you can't be genuine with me, I guess I'm done trying to be genuine with you. You aren't worth it. I am. Difference being, I'm truly capable of a genuine friendship...most of you aren't, at this point.
I need to work on keeping the peace in my own home. I don't know how to do this, yet. But I'm rational, and I need to find a way to keep things happier around here. Making the best of it for one more year.
I need to figure out where I'm going, after I leave here. At this point, I'm incredibly torn between Mercer and Georgia Southern. Its getting hard, with so many people trying to influence me to one, or the other, or even to other places. I need to block some of this out, and find the best decision for me.
I need to better my eating habits. This is pretty broad. I've been working on improving my eating, only eating when I'm hungry, and making healthier food choices. Now, I need to work on cutting out caffeine and sugar, and drinking more water. This is going to be hard. I also need to cut out a 'bad habit' that I have. Not sure if I'm motivated enough for this one, though.
I also need to better my exercise habits. Some crunches or stuff at home, for now. Once softball is over, I hope to start going to the gym with Megan. Stuff like this will only help me to feel better.
I need a guy to be constant in my life. All my guy friends come and go, and I don't know why. Girls will stay and be consistent, but I can't become close with a guy and maintain it for a long period of time. I'd like to change that.
I need to manage my time. This includes getting my schoolwork done quicker, and less procrastinating. This also means less time spent wasted on myspace!
I need to keep doing things just for me, that make me happy. This is probably the most important thing of all. I need to find a way to move forward with my life, and enjoy my time in this town.
These are just a few of my goals. Some of them are going to be pretty difficult.
But it will surely be worth it :)
I need a good, happy, productive senior year.
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