Here goes my countdown:

Countdown to what?? I'm not sure yet.

But I know this. The whole point is, I'm trying to cheer myself up. This is hard, because I can still hear my parents downstairs bitching.
Ahh, now my Ipod is in.

I have two choices here: I can either find a way to cheer myself up, or let myself stay down.
I don't feel like bitching about how unfair anything is. Or how ignorant some people are.


I would like to count down:
5 months until my birthday.
8 months until I graduate.
10 months (approximately) until I get to start over fresh. Where the hell that will be, I don't know anymore.


My point is. I've never felt this alone/neglected/hurt/generally annoyed in a very long time.

I don't want to dwell in this. I want to think about how its only a matter of months until I don't have to deal with this anymore.
But I can't just forget the present.
Because at some point, I have to go downstairs. And I have to talk to my parents. And I have to go to school, and interact with people, and deal with current situations all around.
I can't just hide for months.
I have to deal with the fact that I am currently grounded. And that my mom blames my friends for any aspect of me that she doesn't like.

And that I feel like shit right now.
And I have nobody to call.



I consider myself a very capable, responsible, and intelligent person. But none of that matters when you are still just a kid, subject to all sorts of unfavorable treatment from other people. I can't do anything about who my parents are and how they treat me.
I just wish somebody cared.