Cathartic Intentions

I've been in this situation before. Sitting idly by, waiting for someone else to make the decision, initiate the contact, or decide its over. The waiting kills me. I never get the closure I deserve.
I'm done waiting. I'm reaching out, asking for the answers. I should have done it long ago. I didn't because I was scared of hearing what I don't want to hear. Now, I can't handle not knowing. An "its over" will be better than this.
Tonight, I will take charge. I won't let someone else fuck with my emotions, dragging this out and making it hurt worse. Tell me to stay or to go. Tell me I mean something or nothing. Tell me anything. I need the truth. I can't handle not knowing.

Either way, its going to hurt. But today, and the past few days, have hurt greatly anyway. Today, when a friend of mine mentioned "love," this terrified me. I don't want to love you. Tonight I would rather find for a fact that you don't want me, and that I should move on, than to find that I love you. Because surely, that would be unrequited. I don't want unrequited. I don't want to pine away over you. And I won't.

For the first time in my life, I think, I'm reaching out and trying to demand honesty. We will communicate. I will most likely hear things I don't want to hear, and it will hurt. A lot. But its what I have to do. I have to take care of my emotions. I can't let you play me...I won't be just another chick whose emotions you screw around with. I can't be just another chick who gets hurt out of niavity. I will take care of myself.

Here I go.